thank you.
thank you for being there like only you can.
thank you for being that shoulder to cry on.
thank you for not expecting anything from me.
thank you.

Christmas

right. wrong. whatever.

difference of an opinion.

I can't sleep because my sheets smell like farts.



Me.... shaking my head because I can't believed I just typed that out loud.

the novel.

the one where the bad guy is doing terrible deeds. the super sexy intelligent main character is determined to find the evil antagonist. the protagonist is all alone in their endeavor, left to discover disappointing clues that lead to dead ends. it would all be a wash if it wasn't for the overly helpful friend who mistakenly leaves helpful hints/clues that point right to the mysterious and secretive not so friendly very awkward character. the protagonist trusts the helpful friend to help solve the mystery. they are in it together. best buds. but then it turns out that the helpful friend is the bad guy and the awkward and shy character has a secret crush on the protagonist and wants only to protect the protagonist (but not scare them, while they try to search for the evil bad guy).

so the helpful friend was the bad guy and the somewhat dorky awkward person turned out to be very sweet, intelligent, adventurous, and cute (behind the glasses) good guy. So then the apologetic sexy main character and the endearingly shy and awkward newly discovered good guy feel some sparks and end up together. happily ever after. with a great story to tell their kids. and a gratefulness on what they could have missed out on (or how close they came to their death).

My life. I somehow find myself in the role of the awkward character. no one has yet discovered my many talents and endearingly good qualities. I am waiting for a protagonist to unearth my true nature.

But somehow they are always taken in by the helpful friend that really isn't so helpful.

snow. in houston.

Wasting my breath.

"When you are dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part."

afraid to breathe

night

insincere in my thoughts

inconsistent in my hopes

alone

hmmm...

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich... I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night."

*sigh* the romantic type of answer.

I learned that if you ask this question, you may find out all the negative things about yourself. Not cute.

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end."

"How did you put in Alaska as a city?"

"It didn't ask me for a city. uh oh..."

You put in Alaska has a city
...

"okay Ms. I think Alaska is a city"

i want to be the respect that i expect to see in other people

it is one thing to get screwed by people who do not know you
they know of you. but only through the words of someone else
someone else who gets to paint the picture of you

it is another thing entirely to get screwed and disrespected by people who know you
who know of you. who have seen you. who have been helped by you
disrespect of this magnitude cannot be forgiven

i choose to be respectful. i can't say the same for others

By Birthday weekend is going down the crap-hole. This is what happens. It is ill advised for any one person to believe that they should be special without first consulting the schedule of others.

"No matter how good you are to people you know, they'll make you cry sometimes. Sometimes."

My favorite memories of you.

Wedding Crashers and water.
Cheese nips and apologies.
Birthdays and cake.
Warmth.
Schilliterbahn slides.
Spinning towers.

How was your day?

Fine.

Well... anything happen today?

No, not really.

Well...
My eye hurts. And I am a little afraid...
I'm broke. A broken record in my...
Training on Wednesday just seems stupid. It's during my lunch...
My recommendation letters haven't gotten there. I'm not sure...
No one in 4th period signed up to be a Captain. Today Daniel...
They don't know anything. They aren't learning. Why...
I'm tired of...
I feel...
How...


Yeah, today was a pretty good day.

I don't know.

Are you an old friend? Somehow a new friend?
Are you cold porridge? Hot porridge? Or am I wishing for just right?
I don't know where to put you. But I didn't forget.

I just don't know.

Halloween.
cleaning.Davis.costumes.late packages. banana.airports.old friends.tattoos.new friends.chilli.Marie Antoinette. decorations.Romeo & Juliet.traffic.lady bug.candy.pumpkin. forgotten prizes.green juice.PDS.Alamo drafthouse. Chuys.food. football.Dorothy.laughing. games.Ver J.J.naughty school girl.Saw V.toga.Sex and the City.P.F.Changs.R&B chick.pictures. marachas.sleep.

New friends.

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I’d be a better man.

I’d listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he’s taken you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

Love letter.

Sleep brings escape, but then there are the dreams. Nightmares.

Everybody was right but me.

"Fundamental" is everyone's favorite word.

Safe. Peace. Love

I LOVE talking to my dad. He's the smartest person I know.

Every day conversations become something to think about. rethink. consider.

The obvious is no longer obvious.

The answer seems within reach.

The stubborness no longer makes sense and therefore has no excuse to linger.

He makes it seem so easy.

I can only aspire to be the same.

"I'll put it back when I am done."

: )

Joe Biden, can I have a hug?

Thinks to do when you are done:

1. Read (Books, Blogs, Online news Websites, Gossip Columns, whatever tickles your fancy)
2. Play your games: Kingdom Hearts, The Sims 2, Guitar Hero the new one comes out 10/28
3. Read (Books, Blogs, Online news Websites, Gossip Columns, whatever tickles your fancy)
4. Apply for Jobs/Careers - Back up plan to the Law school of your choice
5. Save Money
6. Work out - a lot because you have not been in a while (No gym = No excuse)
7. Text and talk to me
8. Watch movies, TV, animal (Birds, squirrels, cats, dogs)
9. Go and visit your brother and mom
10. Get addicted to something else maybe bowling, another television show, or some other hobby
11. Occasionally partake in an alchoholic beverage of choice in moderation of course
12. Dance like there is no tomorrow (You know how you do)
13. Experiment with recipes and cooking (As soon as your fridge is back to normal of course)
14. Highschool sporting events
15. Swimming
16. Hanging out with Sarah in moderation you all do not want to get sick of one another
17. Road trip
18. Write (Blogs, Stories, Essays for Grad Schools)
19. Study for GRE or GMAT if Grad school is an option
20. Clean out your car( trunk included)
21. Prepare yourself for school and your leadership positions (Team lead, coach, etc)
22. Sleep
23. Rest
24. Relax
25. Live the rest of your life

Things to not do when you are done:

1. Get drunk enough to become the point of an akward conversation with guys
2. Go on spendng sprees
3. Sit around doing nothing
4. Anything illegal


This is what I was able to come up with so far
Tosh

Ode to Thursdayness:

"That actually took a while. I had to put- uh, more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then I just took them all out."

"date? dinner & movie, naked & sweaty date?"

Courage is doing what is hard to do.
Courage is doing the best you can with what you can.
Courage is doing what isn't easiest.
Courage is doing what you do not want to do, but need to do.

Courage? Maybe tomorrow? I will do what needs to be done...when I have courage.

Too much coming at me at once... Give me a break.

"It's not the size of the muscle that matters, it's where you get to put it."

Makes me think of my brother. really.

It doesn't feel right. It feels wrong.
Uneasy.

Used to know, but not anymore.
Unnatural.


Want to ask, but asking is the impossible.
Confusing.


Giving up never sounded so good.
Tired.

It doesn't feel right. It feels wrong.
Uneasy.

"I guess he can't get any girls he wants."

If you can't remember what your girlfriend looks like, you should just mark on her arm so you will always know.

"Why don't you burn the plastic helmet?"
plastic helmet = panther head

"Leave room for Jesus."

"We are all different, but in the end, we are all fruit."

"Lambs in kitchen tigers in the bedroom."


Teacher Training...

You broke it.
Why should I have to fix it?
I don't know how to fix it.
It's not fair.
I didn't break it. You did.
You broke it.
You fix it. or you buy it.

Am I still waiting?
Do I know how to stop?
What am I waiting for?
I know what I am waiting for...
But it takes a man to give it to me

A man. I can't say I know how to be a man either.

Questions.
Lies.
Broken phones.
did.
unanswered phone calls.
long gaps.


Things are again.

"Thank God for google images."

lol.

I think that means the answer is no.

Relentless pursuit of results.

Sense of possibility.

Disciplined thought.

Respect and humility.

Integrity.

Non-negotiable:

Ice Cream. Love. Fiber One bars. Sushi. Love. Frozen Yogurt. Thin crust pizza. Taquitos from the Taquito Factory. Love. Stair master. Running (uhh). Scales. Percent Body Fat. Love. CM love. FA love. RRS. Love. Resources. BBQ. Reams of paper. Planning. Copies. Love. Eric's. RFOC. 08. 07. T-shirts. Love. 5 minute Rain storms. Lesson Plans. Love. Missing doors. Bad emails. Shirtless teachers. Love. Gym. Elliptical. Master schedules. Teams. Love. Packing. Moving. Weddings. Love. Rice crispy treats. Peanut brittle. Mirrors. Gas Prices. Love. Resources (you want what?). Observations. Treats. Binders. Love.

Negotiable (apparently):

Me. Love. You. Love. Me and You. Love.

I think when you really care for someone you do whatever it takes to make it work. I don't mean moving to another city. I mean trying over and over to figure out whatever it is that will show a person that you care and will never give up on them and your relationship. You want the relationship and care what happens to it. You ensure hope. You do not fail to act. Your fear of rejection is overpowered by a fear of losing your love, your future, your soul. If you refuse to act, it does not mean you are a coward, but maybe that you do not feel this powerful emotion for that person.

Love a lot. Love completely. Love always.

When you do not feel that strongly for someone. Or. Someone does not feel that for you. You are both settling.

Settling for whats comfortable, easy, and routine. But you are missing out on that person that you can feel that way about or they can feel about you. You are missing out on passion and happiness.

I feel that way for someone. But it is not returned at the same level. If I remain around, I am saying that I am not good enough for that kind of love and am giving up on finding it. Hope of changing the way someone feels about you can only last so long. You can pretend that it's there but you will get that "kick in the face" every once in awhile to remind you of what you are still waiting for.

By leaving, I am at least saying that I am worth it. No, I may never find it. I could end up alone for the rest of my life. But at least I acknowledge my worth and refuse to compromise or settle for just anything.

Excuses are everywhere. When you do not know, you cannot act. I know. Therefore, I must act or face disapointment. I think I also must act so that I am taken seriously. My feelings. My love, wants, needs.

My actions must follow my words.

I got your voicemail today.

The one from that day.

"Hey baby...I just got a phone call...and that should be more than enough and with that being said I'm gone...accept in the next couple of days...that's all I needed...I know you're at work, but I couldn't wait to tell you...it just speaks to how hard they are trying and they really want me to join the team....I don't know how I could pass it up."

I listened again.
And again. The message never changed

The tone. The voice. The excitement.

It wasn't good enough.
I don't understand.

My heart is a little broken.
Just a little...

So I understand that some people have problems with doors...
But do you really have to take them off?

Comment: "Odd how we latch onto marriage as the only sort of happy ending to balance the scale."

Reply: "I suppose it's some sort of affirmation of hope for the future. If one does it for the right reasons."

vertical touching

Thinking...

I don't miss them. I really don't.



Oh maybe a little. Oh... there... it's over now.
I don't miss them. I really don't.

lanyard

Some things are missed.

Some simple.

Some gone.

Some things never change.

10 THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO SOON (and instead of the gym)!

1. Salsa dancing

2. Walking on the beach

3. Playing tag in the ocean

4. Walking through a green park

5. Play tennis

6. Turn some cartwheels

7. Ice skating (am I too late?)

8. Jumping rope (double-dutch)

9. Kickboxing

10. Reading by a pool!

Tick Tock...

11 Practical Changes to Make Your Life Better!

Adult conversation :0

Apparently...


It took Odysseus 28 days to get home to Ithaca.

Odysseus took a long time getting home because he had to complete the 12 labors.

Jason was looking for the golden shirt.

Aphrodite is the goddess of fertilizer.

Odysseus' biggest strength is that he is smart and his biggest weakness is his stupidity.

Hercules' weakness is his hair.

Jesus wrote The Odyssey.

Hephaestus is the God of electricity.

Odysseus is still alive today.

Hercules' weakness is his Achilles heel.

Omar wrote The Odyssey.

I think... I remind you of what you are not, and you hate me for it.

"Make impossible your favorite word."
~Jillian Michaels

Let it go for 2008...

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Does life get easier?

Falls lighter?
Decisions better?
Love forever?

A broken heart cannot be mended by tears.

It feels like spring (especially with the itchy eyes)!

-Spring Break-

Lockdown - missed
Pizza Mia
The Zoo - Ice Cream
Getting
Lost Keys
Tornadoes?
Flights - you get in when?
Found Keys
HOME
FOOD
SLEEP!
MORE SLEEP!
George Lopez

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me hap-py
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
So, Pllleeeaaassseee
Don't take my sunshine away!

Unfulfilled.

THAT BOY: how was today a fun day as you said earlier
ME: yeah we are working with magazines and pictures on powerpoint
I have powerpoint in my classroom!
THAT BOY: ooooooohhhhhhhh mrs. document cam and projector

There are some perks to being a teacher.
You know...

Friends.
Sushi.
and Blue stuff.

MISS YOU MUCH!

The ONE that did not get away...

It is not okay to read books in class but it is okay to watch movies.

"It is better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6."

Justliketheoldays...

I almost got hit by a buggy.

I was dancing in the shower tonight.
I never do that.
It would have served me right
to fall and bust my ass.
But I didn't.
I was dancing in the shower tonight.
Really. That never happens.

***

The antonym of "contraband" is NOT "milk and cookies."