I don't think my heart is into blogging anymore. I think I might stop

:-(

My heart...poor thing

sometimes the smallest things are also the sweetest things :D

Hmmm...goood day!!

Jason's Deli
Lunch with Foley's chairperson
90 on French quiz
egg rolls
fun with Toya!!!

Yayy!

rain = good
getting caught in the rain = bad

You're the air that I breathe
The perfect one for me

but...

My friend talking about his wife... "I have a 19 year old kid.'

Baby boy you stay on my mind

You know that I'm just the kind of girl that feels so hurt and smiles

Now you
Saying I complete your dreams
Now you saying
I'm your everything

***********

Even though there's another man in my life
You will always be my boo

So I've found my passion...
wow...scarey stuff.

So maybe I do want it.
Or at least I think I do.
Yeah I know I want it.
But do I want it now?
Do I need it now?

*sigh*

I'm not too bad of a slacker...I'm just not feeling the love for my computer at the moment. :(

I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I am lost.

Just waiting to be found...

Well now I've seen Jesse and Claudia. Two more..there's April and ummm oops I think I forgot. It'll come back to me soon. Who says that UT is such a big campus. Who would have thought.

Yayyyy good to see you two!!! Hope you have a great first year...

Okay
Back to studying *sigh*

Hmmm... I'm in love...

I was in love yesturday.and the day before.it has been some time now.

Hmmm...I'm in love...

Well I did get something done last night. :) So very proud of my kinda sorta productive self. yayy for Alexis.


**************


Well... do you think ordering school supplies off of the internet is nerdy???
yeah yeah...kinda figured

I feel like a little kid trying to play grownup.

Slacker blogger that I am...

God please help me have a peace of mind.

Back to school once again...yayyy!

I want.
I'm scared to have.
and then lose.

I'm angry and sad.
Emotions take away from the energy to act.

But when I'm happy...
I see rainbows...wonderous miracles.

Happy Birthday Momma!
Happy Birthday Daddy!

I love you!

So I'm in Austin and I've settled in
*sigh*

Now I need a system....

I have too much time on my hands...
hmmm...
I need a passion...along with a job.

volunteer tutor.business ambassador.intramural volleyball.[insert passion here].[insert job here]. *sigh*

I'm back in Austin!! I feel a deep feeling of satisfaction. I'm okay, not bleeding...

All good.

Now...to venture out of my safetly zone...

Goals for this week:

1. Actively look for a Job
2. Accept Texas Exes Invitation
3. Go to UT and see what is going on...plan to go to go to 3 events.

Safety is so nice...but it's too easy.

My emotions are so thick in my head.
I can't pick them out to write.
So tangled.
No energy to untangle.

It's like being caught in a spider's web.
The more I wrangle to be free.
I tangle even more.

Happy Birthday Tosh!

What a lazy day...
speeches speeches

Rose makes me feel better.

I'm scared about going back to Austin too...in fact I'm petrified!

I'm so sad...my heart hurts :-(

I'm not perfect. I'm not sure if I try to be. I don't do I?

Logical. That's what I try to be. But logic runs into truth sometimes (or so it seems)

I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know my own truth.

Sometimes it's the last person that makes you first

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Sometimes a stranger can be your best friend

Michael and Mykia are here :D

I don't like people who complain and complain and never do anything about it.

I tell people this...Don't ask for my advice if you're not going to even consider what I have to say.


So...
Alexis...
Do something!

So if you never come to me
You'll stay a distant memory
Out my window I see light doing dark
Your dark eyes don't haunt me

Speech day...went well!

Oh what I would give to have a clear state of mind.

I'm so tired...

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself,
under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.
-Erich Fromm

We don't love qualities, we love persons;
sometimes by reason of their defects as well as
of their qualities.
-Jacques Jacques Maritain

My body feels when something is wrong.
Something is wrong.
It frustrates me when something is always wrong.
Talk to me. Help me fix it.

Not knowing sucks :-(

Birthday is coming up...
I'm excited... it's not mine.

I hope you like it...
The day, not the gift--
although I hope you like that too.

The gift is special too.
...Birthday surprises :D

timing is everything...

Every time I want to let go and be myself again.
A turtle ready to stick its head out.

This happens.
I duck my head back into safety.

Safety isn't safe anymore. What to do now.

A brick wall.
Just won't move.
uhhhh.

ooohhh lala..the days go by

*sigh* I wish I had a swing in my backyard
so I could feel the wind...and maybe believe like I once did
that one day I would reach the sky.

*smile*

There they go running!!!! I don't think these girls live on my street.

Ha! The funniest thing! These girls from down the street were ringing our doorbell and running off. But that's not the funny part; they didn't care if we saw them and took pictures. They just seemed to liked our doorbell! Hehehe to be that young again :D

How the days do fly...

*sigh* Off work...got nothing done.

Bad Alexis

For some reason I'm amazingly happy...

I think it's you.

Sagittarius & Leo
The Fire signs Leo and Sagittarius pursue the same goals, and can succeed in allying their strengths instead of competing. Optimistic, generous, and romantic, they understand and love each other with both passion and tenderness. They indulge in life's pleasures to the fullest, laughing unabashedly and egging each other on. Sagittarian criticism may sometimes hurt the Leo's feelings, but forgiveness will soon be forthcoming. The Lion is aware of his sacred complicity with the Centaur-Archer. Together, they reach the heights of bliss.

Beaumont was great...I got to see a piece of you.

Gumbo.Bootleg movies.Daycare kids.Bike Rides.Picture Booths.Dippin Dots.Logan's.Friends. Family.Disney Cartoons.Me.You.*Smile*

I leave today...hmmm...  *smile*

I think today was...interesting

comfortable.      bad thoughts...none
where? Don't care. why? why not?
no wondering

trust. no. not yet. one step closer

friends. great. call you tomorrow. love you

I don't know what to think anymore...

English is almost over.  yessss!

I need sleep...

Once or twice a day...
That's pretty often.

It makes me wonder
why I try
why I hope

Why I don't just give up.

Moved in...hmmm.. what a work out *phew*

I don't know what's wrong with me...
I'm tired...that's what it is...I think

*sigh* I know it's not

Said my How-to-Speech today... It went well, I wish I would have been a little more prepared because I felt like I could have given more information in the same amount of time.  Oh well, I'll do better on the next one. 

I really don't know why I'm so motivated to do well on these speeches.  Maybe it's the atmosphere.  Who knows...

I am young
I am free
But I get tired and I get weak
I get lost and I can't sleep
But suddenly....

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly 

                                

                 * * * * 

It's better when I don't think about the past...
Sometimes, you just have to accept it.
Doesn't make it less than what it was...
Just makes it gone.

What's your perception of love
Now, how many times did we say it was over
And how many times did we not leave
There's no sense in this love hangover 
            

              * * * *

Sometimes my eyes won't close from weepin'

Wondering where you been
I can't cope with this

Some things never change...so I'm going to bed  :-(

So it seems that I will be making a trip to Beaumont.  Hmmm... how interesting...how fun...how exciting.  Can't wait!!! 

"Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. " -Ralph Waldo Emerson from "Self-Reliance"

I love my brother,
he can't sing!
 
But he is so adorable.

I still remember our first kiss
I'm nervous and tremblin'

"Nothing at last is sacred but the integrity of your own mind."  - Ralph Waldo Emerson, from Self-Reliance

I feel like nothing is ever going to go my way.
Why get my hopes up that things will work out?
Why try your hardest and hope that people will notice
Why care?

Oh my gosh I can't empty my mind of thoughts.
Good thoughts. Bad thoughts. Thoughts...
*sigh*
 
On another note, I think I have a stalker :-(
 
Oh and an old lady on oxygen cursed me out at work today.  That was interesting.
I wasn't even mad, I just couldn't believe the situation.  *hehe*
Maybe I shouldn't laugh :-(
But it was really funny.

Quizzes are funny because they never have the answers that I would want to choose...hmmm...
My search is on for the perfect quiz...
 
But for now here is this one, although I'm not too sure if it is me.  How do you sum someone like me up in one word?  You can't so why try? 
 
Your soul is WILLFUL. You are determined and a
little reckless, and you do whatever you want
to do. You have strong opinions and are not
easily swayed, and your headstrong resolve is
not easily countered. You have few regrets.
People find your refusal to go down without a
fight formidable, and they respect you for it.
You are a proud and content soul.

What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by

I see the etch of your face
And it makes it hard for me to breathe

Great green gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts,
Mutiliated monkey meat,
Chopped up birdie feet!
 
French fried eyeballs mixed in with baby mush,
I for-got my spoon!
 
 
 
Does anybody else remember this besides me?

I don't think that conversation went like I planned. 
I was only trying to help.
 
Tryinig to help always gets me in trouble, I should know and accept this.
 
*sigh*  I'll patch it up tomorrow.  Poor baby...

I wonder...
If life wasn't so confusing,
would I still have fun? 

                                          * * *

I said my dream speech yesturday, and it was so fun.  At first I thought I didn't have any dreams cause I didn't know what I wanted to be in life :-(  But then I realized that I did have a dream although it isn't specific in the career area.  When I was pretending in class that all my dreams came true, I felt so happy.  My dreams aren't out there in lala land.  They can come true.  Dreams are wonderful.  It felt great just thinking of them and sharing.  Oh fun fun, happy happy :-}

I love you

Why do we fight
I'm tired
I can't fight anymore

I'm sorry for not being myself
I wish away the doubts
I do love you
 
I miss you
But I just still don't know

Doctors appointment...good.

For once.

I'm so frustrated.

It's too much. I'm tired of trying to please everybody, because nobody is ever happy and I work my butt off and come up empty.

That is just not fair!

Finally...I'm wondering what took so long.

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love

"Here without you" 3 Doors Down

I hope you mean it...

With you I get so high
Lost in the crystal sky

I'm still wondering what the whole promise thing means...
Should I ask Tosh for the 100th time?

Maybe I just like hearing it...just a thought!

I want to show pictures of the promise ring that Tosh gave me, but there's two problems.

1. My dad keeps taking my laptop to work so he can watch movies on it.

2. It's really hard to take a good picture of big beautiful diamonds. :P

How can I be so happy,
then question my happiness.

How can I want something so bad,
then think maybe I don't need it at all.

How can I be so excited,
yet so scared.

I want to plunge in head first.
The bay on a spring afternoon.
But after the first splash,
I face the aftermath of the ripples...
then I realize that the beautiful bay
is still freezing cold from the winter.

Rose reminds me of what a slacker I am when it comes to my blog. *sigh* who cares...

I'm so tired of summer school! Next session...okay let's not think about it. Let's pretend that it's not coming and...ahhh man I can't seem to disapear in my own little world. What's going on?

The end to a great weekend..

It was a wonderful weekend,
I had it all at the same time.
(How often does that happen?)

The weather was beautiful,
My family was great...
and then, there was Tosh.

When thinking of the weekend
as a whole, the mishap
barely leaves a dent.

Although my mind hasn't been so lucky.

My eyes are open! Yeesss! Aren't we just so cute... *sigh*

Oops just couldn't keep my eyes open!

Everyone one loves the beach...yayyy!

Don't they look so cute playing on the Port Aransas Beach??

Corpus Beaches are BEAUTIFUL! How easy I forget. I think I'm just a spoiled little girl. I'm oh so sorry.

Tosh is here! Went to the beach...oh I have some great pictures with some stories to tell.

45 minute ferry wait
20 minutes to find a park

All to see Joel and Tosh fight with the baby waves!

:) *sigh*