I should stop asking questions that I already know the answers to.

I don't even get disappointed anymore.
or sad.

resigned?
Maybe a little sad.

The illegal immigrant issue is driving me nuts.

illegal immigrant
someone who has entered a country by bypassing customs and immigration controls

Illegal immigration describes migration across national borders without complying with the legal requirements. Some people call those they suspect of illegally immigrating, "illegal immigrants" or "undocumented immigrants". People who arrive in a legal manner but then outstay their visas (that is the authorized time in the host country), may also have illegal status.

It's not that I don't have sympathy; I just don't understand how anyone can demand rights if they aren't even supposed to be here. This country was derived on immigration. Not necessarily "illegal" immigration.

With that said...

hysteria is too strong of a word,
confusion too tame.

What do you do when a person lies so much that you have to pick and choose which lies to call them out on?

The apologizer who is willing to do everything but not hurt you again, isn't very sorry at all.

Even the person who wasn't supposed to ever let me down, did.
*sigh*

I wish you could hold me.
And things would be like they were before...

Nothing hurts more...

El Arroyo is good food. If you're in Austin give it a try!

I hate when people are in my business!

Some people can never make decisions for themselves and must run and get everyone's opinions. It's one thing to want an honest opinion. It's another when you are really trying to
get people to say that you made the right decision. When will people understand that others talk and they only tell you what they think you want to hear. Then they go around behind your back and tell all your business and say how stupid you are. This is a continious cycle, yet people never learn.

I am tempted to feel sorry for those people who trust so-called friends, because it IS wrong for people to say one thing in your face and something entirely different behind your back. But then again, that's life and it is the fault of the person who must insist in putting their business out there.

I don't worry about it because I don't put myself out there. I just listen while people enjoy other's misery (which is a sad fact) and tell everyone else what's going on in other people's life. I'm glad that my friends can tell me when they think I am wrong and don't laugh behind my back.

They say the truth comes out with liquor.

I heard your truth tonight.
and even as the tears roll from my cheeks,
and I hear the hollow sound of water
I know they find comfort in my damp pillow.

What does not kill,
it makes me stronger.
And when you say that you are not in love,
I know I'll be okay.

When I try, and you yell.
When you say things to be hurtful,
When you attempt to bring me to my knees,
I know love, yet I don't know you.

I try to tell you how I feel,
you hang up, and I feel the disconnect.
Is it weak to love unconditionally?
Yet, I know that when I finally have love,
I'll recognize, hold on, and appreciate.

God has been my rock, my life,
he does not forsake. So while it hurts,
I must smile through,
Because only God knows my truth.

Who needs friends when evil shines through?
Love is not needed if it only abuses
Love is unconditional, I say and I truly believe.

Only a fool believes that she brings
the beatens of her loved one upon herself.
Only evil fails to control what can be controllen.

I cry, but I am not sad. I cry, but I am not happy.
I cry because I am, and I cry because it releases me
To not be understood is frustrating,
but to be thrown away is so real.

Who needs what can not be had?
I can't take, what God doesn't want me to keep.
My rock, my foundation, he rules me.
The queen that I am in my heart must not become the keep.

My dad he told me, that we could never be.
Yet for some reason I thought I knew more than he.
You are not me, and I not you.
I want so much more than what you can do.
You see, I want forever, and what it brings.
No need for hate and all of its strings.

Tomorrow will soon be yesterday.
And these tears I cry will go away.
And you, whom I'll never understand.
Will wash away like castles in the sand.

And even as I cry, I know your truth.
Your truth, is not me, and you say I'm not you.
I'll never understand why you carry on so.
It seems right and wrong does not make everyone grow.

What I feel is no longer a right, but a major wrong.
Love, I know, is unconditional and the tears are gone.
And even as lay on my wet pillow tonight.
I orgasm into my future, because tonight
tonight I learned your truth
and only God knows mine.

*sigh* Love is so confusing.

American Idol
The guys were much better than the girls. I had previously thought that there wasn't much competition between the boys, but it has difinitely heated up some this week. So here I am...harsh...and huge expectation. With that said, Let's go Play by Play.

Taylor: 9.0/10 Taylor is great if not a little weird. There was nothing wrong with this performance except it just didn't seem up to standards. A little disappointment when you expect so much.

Overall: I'm wondering if his whole routine will get old. I don't know but we all know he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He is talented.

Ace: 8.0/10 Ace knows who loves him and he is definitely playing to the girls. This performance was boring and I thought he missed a couple of notes. He didn't grow from last week, but he still faces few problems at the moment. He could have done better.

Overall: Oh he's going to the finals, but he better hope Chris doesn't upstage him for the girl's attention.

Elliot: 9.5/10 This was a great performance. I was very impressed because it was a different song. I just love his soulful voice. Those ears! lol...He is a favorite of mine. He only improved from last week. As for next week, I want to see something different.

Overall: He has so much potential. Goofy, but cute. I see him being around for a long time.

Gedeon: 9.5/10 Gedeon really knocked me over with surprise. Last week he was good but I was not impressed with attempting to show talent with a song like "Shout." This week he really out did himself. I think he really shook things up for me. His voice is amazing, BUT... I want to see more personality. He talked about forgetting the words and that's great, but talk to me about that smile. Tell me something I want to know!

Overall: I had thought he didn't have much of a chance for the finals, but I don't now. He should make it to next week and then he better give it all he's got.

Kevin: 8.0/10 He wasn't bad, but he wasn't good either. The song started out okay, but nothing ground shaking or spectacular. He seems nice enough. The song was fairly consistent throughout, but it was missing a little extra. The judges talk to him like they feel sorry for him.

Overall: Kevin is riding on his geekiness, which isn't enough to be in the finals. I wouldn't send him home this week, but if he doesn't prove that there is more to him that that, he needs to go home.

Sway: 7.5/10 I liked this performance okay. He has a good voice and I think he is underrated. The thing is...he doesn't seem to have very much confidence in himself and when he should really use his range, he doesn't. The song was consistent and pretty good. He is comparable to Kevin but he lacks confidence.

Overall: I really want to hear him one more time, but if he goes home it wouldn't hurt my feelings.

Will: 7.5/10 On the boring side. He has a deeper voice thought. He has potential but tonight was not a good night in my opinion. It was not something you would remember. I was a fan last week.

Overall: I think he has a bid for the finals but he needs to watch it. If someone was to slip in unexpectedly he could lose his spots.

Bucky: 7.0/10 I am not a fan and this didn't change my mind. He just seems a little lost to me. He lacks personality. Kinda scruffy which doesn't usually bother me. He seems so one dimensional. I would send him home after tonight.

Overall: Going home would be great. I would send him home tomorrow.

David: 7.0/10 Not bad song choice and okay singing. He just isn't that great in general. His personality is a little bland to top it off. He missing something and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe he could figure that out at home.

Overall: There is usually a reason a certain website endorses you. He just doesn't have enough to last.

Chris: 9.5/10 It was a great performance! A little on the predictable but great nevertheless. I wish Chris and Ace would switch a little bit. I want Chris to sing in the girls ear a little. I just want to see it, but I don't have to.

Overall: Oh we know he's going to the finals and he'll be around. So where are the surprises going to be found? I want a surprise.

These are my opinions. Feel free to tell me about yours!

The Girls were a disappointment tonight.
Well the girls overall were pretty boring and all out dissapointing. In my opinion, the girls who did well last week were the most dissapointing. Some of the other girls that really needed to bring it-Melissa-definitely did that. I am very harsh and hard to please, but that's life. With that said...Let's go play by play:

Katherine: 7.0/10 While she wasn't bad, she wasn't good either. She was boring because she sang a safe song. If it wasn't for last week, I wouldn't even remember her.

Overall: I want to see something different from her, but she still deserves to be in the finals.

Kinnik: 6.5/10 This girl can sing! However, she didn't sing last night. I don't know what that was...maybe a lame attempt to get some attention. She looked like a grown woman trying to play a kids game. I loved her last week and thought the judges were to harsh. She can hit some amazing notes and has great range. She needs to stick with what she does best.

Overall: I don't think she deserves to go home this week, but she's going to have to pull something amazing next week to make it to the finals. I am a fan though.

Lisa: 7.5/10 The only real problem Lisa had was her song choice. It just didn't sound right. She seems to pick really different songs in really different arrangements. I personally think it's working to her advantage, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if she sung a song in a way that the audience could recognize. I think she wouldn't measure up and it would become obvious, but hey you never know.

Overall: She isn't going anywhere. I was a fan but I am starting to have a few doubts. I want to see an outstanding performance soon.

Melissa: 9.0/10 Wow! This was amazing. Her voice is so different and the song was perfect for her. Much better from last week. I don't know why the Simon was harsh (he was a little cranky). I'm glad to see she has potential.

Overall: I have my doubts about her overall, but she should make it to next week. While this performance was impressive, she still lacks range. I'm very curious about next week though.

Heather Cox: 6.0/10 Bad song choice! The worst song choice! You can't help be disappoined when she goes against somebody like Mariah Carey. At the end of the song, the audience can't help but notice what was missing. Not much attention can be paid to what was there.

Overall: She isn't very memorable and her voice doesn't stand out. Not saying she can't sing. Just saying she needs to go home.

Brenna Gethers: 5.5/10 Not only can she not sing, but she has a horrible attitude. She has not shown America once that she even deserves to be where she is. Yet, she has this inflated ego that makes me want to puke. She cuts off the judges when they are trying to help. Rude! I'm not going to even mention the freaky smiles and poses.

Overall: She should have gone home last week and I'm mad for giving her a second chance. Her attitude puts me in a bad mood.

Paris: 8.5/10 I love Paris and she's my favorite but it was definitely the wrong song. I kept expected the unexpected throughout the song and it never happened. Don't get me wrong, it was still great. I think I'm being the harshest on her rating because I just plain expected more.

Overall: She has long range potential. I hope she doesn't play it safe next week but I don't want to see the same thing from last week either. Surprise me.

Ayla: 8.5/10 Her vocals were good, but there was no connection for me. She picked an okay song, but it was still safe. I want to see her with the straight hair for some reason. I also want to see her sing something where she can throw her hair in a pony tail (a messy bun may be to far) and just get down.

Overall: She likes to play it safe. I think she has a good shot for the finals, but there a few that could sneak up on her. The best bet would to go for the surprise next week.

Kellie: 9.0/10 I thought her performance was good. She puts lots of emotion in her singing and she has good range even if she doesn't have the best voice. I thought she looked great too. However, I think she is fake and she annoys me.

Overall: She won't meet her match until the finals. She has a big fan base but when the boys and girls are combined she may be one of the few that will have a problem.

Mandisa: 9.0/10 It was a good performance even though I did not like the song. Mandisa obviously has the range and the vocals, but people are going to get tired of her shouting at us. I like Mandisa although she isn't a huge favorite of mine. I want something softer from her.

Overall: She has the vocals for the finals and she has a great personality. I think she deserves to go far.

What do you think? These are my opinions. Feel free to share your opinions.

Why am I always sad?

People yell and talk crazy.
Grind and talk through their teeth,
throw things.

It makes me feel like shit.
I guess that's the point.

I love my job.
Kinda.

It makes me feel smart.
Kinda.

It's lots of fun.
Sometimes.

lol *snort**snort* (Did you just snort? No...)

My mouth hurts...

Pouting for a reason.

Computers make me itch...
*scratch* *scratch*