You broke it.
Why should I have to fix it?
I don't know how to fix it.
It's not fair.
I didn't break it. You did.
You broke it.
You fix it. or you buy it.

Am I still waiting?
Do I know how to stop?
What am I waiting for?
I know what I am waiting for...
But it takes a man to give it to me

A man. I can't say I know how to be a man either.

Questions.
Lies.
Broken phones.
did.
unanswered phone calls.
long gaps.


Things are again.

"Thank God for google images."

lol.

I think that means the answer is no.

Relentless pursuit of results.

Sense of possibility.

Disciplined thought.

Respect and humility.

Integrity.

Non-negotiable:

Ice Cream. Love. Fiber One bars. Sushi. Love. Frozen Yogurt. Thin crust pizza. Taquitos from the Taquito Factory. Love. Stair master. Running (uhh). Scales. Percent Body Fat. Love. CM love. FA love. RRS. Love. Resources. BBQ. Reams of paper. Planning. Copies. Love. Eric's. RFOC. 08. 07. T-shirts. Love. 5 minute Rain storms. Lesson Plans. Love. Missing doors. Bad emails. Shirtless teachers. Love. Gym. Elliptical. Master schedules. Teams. Love. Packing. Moving. Weddings. Love. Rice crispy treats. Peanut brittle. Mirrors. Gas Prices. Love. Resources (you want what?). Observations. Treats. Binders. Love.

Negotiable (apparently):

Me. Love. You. Love. Me and You. Love.

I think when you really care for someone you do whatever it takes to make it work. I don't mean moving to another city. I mean trying over and over to figure out whatever it is that will show a person that you care and will never give up on them and your relationship. You want the relationship and care what happens to it. You ensure hope. You do not fail to act. Your fear of rejection is overpowered by a fear of losing your love, your future, your soul. If you refuse to act, it does not mean you are a coward, but maybe that you do not feel this powerful emotion for that person.

Love a lot. Love completely. Love always.

When you do not feel that strongly for someone. Or. Someone does not feel that for you. You are both settling.

Settling for whats comfortable, easy, and routine. But you are missing out on that person that you can feel that way about or they can feel about you. You are missing out on passion and happiness.

I feel that way for someone. But it is not returned at the same level. If I remain around, I am saying that I am not good enough for that kind of love and am giving up on finding it. Hope of changing the way someone feels about you can only last so long. You can pretend that it's there but you will get that "kick in the face" every once in awhile to remind you of what you are still waiting for.

By leaving, I am at least saying that I am worth it. No, I may never find it. I could end up alone for the rest of my life. But at least I acknowledge my worth and refuse to compromise or settle for just anything.

Excuses are everywhere. When you do not know, you cannot act. I know. Therefore, I must act or face disapointment. I think I also must act so that I am taken seriously. My feelings. My love, wants, needs.

My actions must follow my words.

I got your voicemail today.

The one from that day.

"Hey baby...I just got a phone call...and that should be more than enough and with that being said I'm gone...accept in the next couple of days...that's all I needed...I know you're at work, but I couldn't wait to tell you...it just speaks to how hard they are trying and they really want me to join the team....I don't know how I could pass it up."

I listened again.
And again. The message never changed

The tone. The voice. The excitement.