Birthday BLUES (A rare reflective post)

An interested fact about me and my birthday. I can't recall, in the recent years or non-recent years, a year that I did not cry on my birthday. I'm not talking about tears of joy either. But massive heart wrenching sobs.

1. Why?

2. It takes a little background. It's quite complicated, but I will try to explain.

3. It's always been the case, that I've been an active participant in the birthday's of others. As a child, I was the tall lanky kid clapping and singing louder than all my fellow students as a birthday "kid" stood beaming at the front of the room. Or

There was the kids that got to be the leaders and got all the special roles since it was their special day.

4. Fast forward a couple of years...

I was always there hiding behind couches for the surprise parties, blowing up balloons till my ears hurt, and showing up to yet another "birthday dinner."

5. SO WHY THE CRYING??

For some reason, I was never lucky enough to get those things. The golden rule ("do onto others as you would have them to onto you") doesn't quite work out here.

My birthday is during the Thanksgiving holidays so...
No special leadership positions or classroom singing
No surprise birthday parties (it's a time for family after all)
No birthday dinners (All that Thanksgiving food... who goes out for dinner)
No ability to choose a special dinner (All that Thanksgiving food...)
No going out for my 21st birthday (who goes to a bar on Thanksgiving?)
No sleepovers (all the excuses above)

6. In fact, it's usually just forgotten. I get a cursory happy birthday or something else always trumps.
Holidays
Finals
Family time
People go out of town
Lack of money
Changing tires
Every other excuse in the world

7. Only my family understands. My mom has always known. Every year I call crying.

8. It's interesting because as I get older, I still wait for that ONE birthday. That one time. Because I've never honestly had one before. Every kid deserves one right?

9. So why cry?

1o. Cause I'm a little kid in an adult body still wanting to be sung happy birthday in front of the classroom.

Year # 26. I am so blessed. Everyday is not promised.

"Baby I am committed, this ticket is non-refundable!"

Lessons of the day:

1) Evidence is the utmost importance, Learn It!!!
2) If you are going to be impeached, be impeached in style
3) Don't continue to return to the "den of NO work"
4) I am a happier person if I wake up after 10:00 am.
5) My family is a blessing of all blessings, I thank God EVERY day.